Cultured Views

Athena is a 7 minute Con

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As I write this millions of women are frantically googling the six letter word Athena in the hope it will be the answer to their dreams. Athena has become the most wanted facial product in the cosmetic world and even Ebay is getting into the act.

Athena  7-minute miracle cream promises to wipe away all traces of age and any damning proof of how old a woman is. In 7 minutes. And you are supposed to be able to get away with lying about your age for 24 hours afterwards. This conjours up frightening images to me: 70 year old women with baby smooth faces and peachy skin held aloft by wrinkled and crinkled necks walking around convinced that they now look 20 whilst tottering around in mini skirts and stilettos. Too scary to dwell on.

While it would be fantastic to be able to turn back the clock on our faces for a few hours a day I don’t see Athena as being the ‘girl’ to do it. Firstly you have to smear it on with a brush and wait, entirely motionless, for 7 minutes. Your skin starts to tingle after one minute - this is where you hopes start to rise. Then you look in the mirror; instead of seeing the face you had 10 or 20years ago you see the face had 10 or 20 minutes ago. The only difference is it is covered in an egg-white like film that is just waiting for you to smile so it can crack and flake all over your shoulders. Like facial dandruff.

So what do you do…NOT smile?. And walk around as if you have lockjaw?. Botox already promises that!.

Here’s my advice: grow a fringe, wear a tight ponytail, buy some nice makeup and make do with what you’ve got. That’s what I will do when the time comes. Athena is just a 7-minute disappointment.

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