Cultured Views

Another three words to strike fear - ‘Do It Yourself’

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I blame the recent trend in DIY shows for putting a lot of crazy ideas into the brains of our menfolk; DIY is an expertise that you can either do or you cannot. My Dad fell into the latter category, not that it mattered to him.

My father was a very house proud man and used to get these brainstorms which saw him take quite a good idea but then completely bollocks-up the entire thing. Because he refused to call in an expert and he refused to take any advice. Dad’s efforts to install outdoor lighting once resulted in our house being blown nearly skyhigh when the electric cabling he ran from the patio outside to inside the house took a lightening strike. The sound of the ‘bang’ caused neighbours within a radius of two km’s to call us frantically as the ‘flash’ from behind our home was seen for miles.

Dad once decided he would like an indoor fireplace - not a real necessity in an Australian home due to the fact that it does not get cold enough in winter - but as usual, once he got the idea that was it. But why bother to install a proper stylish fireplace and hearth when the old hibachi out the backyard would do the job fine?. So in it came, this small portable BBQ thing, and he arranged it on a pile of bricks right in the centre of the lounderoom on Mum’s polished wooden floor so that it stood about three foot high. Ignoring Mum’s protests he lit it. Yes it gave off a certain amount of warmth, but within 20 minutes it had also created a circle of black charred floor underneath with melting floor wax to add to the sight. We never got rid of that mark so a new rug was purchased. The hibachi returned to it’s place outside and the old hecla 2 bar heater resumed it’s original purpose.

Dad was also into home-brewing; not just beer but ginger beer. I won’t relate all the details of that venture here but I will say that Mum needed a new fridge anyway so the bottles of fermenting liquid exploding one by one just proved a good excuse.

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