It never ceases to amaze me how there is a certain breed of British expat who takes more offence at the mildest critique of anything French than a native born French person would. But they certainly do exist and I have met more than my fair share of them…

They tend to live in those British enclaves that are dotted around France – think Dordogne(shire…), Tarn, Tarn et Garonne and almost the entire length and breadth of Brittany and Normandy. They bought their charming french house for much less than they sold their UK property, probably ‘did it up’ and then converted the old barn into a gite (because everyone ‘does’ a gite in their spare time…). They post comments on the various French online forums, snipe at those who do not agree with their glowing opinion of France and – here’s the real characteristic – smugly tell anyone who has expressed the wish to pack up and return to the UK that they “Should have done their research first…”.

They drink cheap red wine from Lidl and discreetly buy The Times from the local tabac on Sunday mornings – which is printed in either Marseilles or Belgium and never comes with the free DVD/CD giveaway that those ‘at home’ will get with their real copy of The Times. They sit in cafe’s, facing the sun, wearing huge sunglasses and holding a copy of Le Figaro with one drink infront of them that they make last for two hours. Yep, you can really tell they are British…

They stand behind, or nearby, you in the queue at the supermarket and sniff at your attempts to speak French to the bored checkout femme, they also like you to see that they have a carte bancaire from Credit Agricole/Caisse d’Epargne/Banque Populaire which REALLY shows everyone that they are integrated!

They boast how their kids learnt to speak fluent French ‘in six months’ and then scoff when you inform them that their kids would have trouble reading a nursery rhyme in english by the time they are twelve. They scoff at anything British/English but stick their hands out for the lucrative little Winter Heating Allowance that many claim from the British Govt to keep their charming French home warm in the winter (while some elderly UK pensioners are freezing to death back home because they cannot afford fuel…)

They tell you how wonderful French television is (which only proves what pretentious twats they are…) but have SKY dishes stuck to the side of their house. They complain about how there are too many British coming to live in THEIR part of France…colonials to the end.

Anyway, I’m not alone in recognising just how pretentious and borish some Brit expats can be when they colonise someone else’s country and then complain when others like to do the same and invade their territory – this lady, like us, had the same good sense to get the hell out of France when the going was good. Read what she has to say here and have a laugh.

Now excuse me while I remove tongue from cheek…:)