How many jokes have been told around this scenario? Usually it is how many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb…we’ve all heard them and the many punchlines. Yawwwwn.

But honestly, when a lightbulb fizzles and dies it depends just where it is in the house that determines how long it will take to get changed. If it is in his study it is replaced within minutes, anywhere else and… For instance, both lightbulbs have now gone in my kitchen and I am still waiting for them to be replaced. I refuse to do this on principle…it is a mans job to get up on a chair or a ladder whilst the woman passes the bulb. Just as it is the mans job to come out from behind the cupboard and whack that spider sitting on the wall above the television with a shoe or broom. It is also the mans job to fix the toilet cistern, unblock the drain in the sink and pass the nappy before the baby starts exploring his soiled parts with his fingers.

I am skilled in all these roles, as the majority of all women are. I can change the baby in 30 seconds with one hand; fix the cistern by shaking it ( it always works ) and pore highly corrosive and unenvironmentally friendly liquids down the sink hole. I whack the spider with the only thing that is always handy…one of my good shoes, and I always replace the toilet roll.

Okay…someone pass me that light bulb please.